By Barbara Pierce
“They’ve lost their voice! They don’t have any communication skills at all. They don’t know how to talk to girls their age, to me or to anyone.”
This is how ferry boat captain Bruce Pierce of Miami, Florida, describes the young men, just out of high school, that he supervises. “They’re not learning how to be men.”
“They’re all engaged on their phones, totally addicted to the instant gratification,” is how high school instructor Stephanie Martino, also of Miami, describes the high school boys she teaches.
Martino has been dealing with high school students for 32 years. “I’ve seen a shift in the last few years. It’s all because they don’t know how to be themselves without their phones.”
“And many young men are ‘gamers,’” she added. “They spend hours and days on their computers. That’s all they do; there’s no room for socialization.”
“A lot of young people don’t want to work. Staffing is a huge challenge,” said Kim Epeards, manager of a senior residential facility in Venice, Florida, that relies heavily on the work of young people. “They live with their parents. Many haven’t worked for a year or two.”
Yes, young men are struggling.
Look at the alarming data:
• Women graduate college at significantly higher rates than men in the U.S.
• Men are dropping out of the workforce, overdosing, drinking themselves to death.
• The suicide rate for men is four times that of women.
• Nearly half of male teens have never dated, almost double the rate of previous generations.
• Many young men report having no close friends.
Young women are struggling too. But the data is clear that the significant changes over the last few years have impacted young men to a larger degree.
Social scientists agree that young men are floundering, though they disagree about the causes, which are vast and complicated.
One significant cause may be how we view masculinity. There’s been a recent rise in internet masculinity culture which suggests that real men are aggressive, dominant, take what they want and are obsessed with winning. This steers impressionable teens in the wrong direction.
What’s the solution? “I don’t see a solution,” Pierce said. “I’d like to just get old and die so I don’t have to witness this tragedy!”
AMEND Together
As a community educator for the YWCA Mohawk Valley, DuWayne Engram offers a solution for our community: “It’s absolutely true, that, as young boys grow, they become obsessed with their phones and video games. They’re considered weird by their friends it they’re not into social media.
“Our community education department at the YWCA addresses these issues. The AMEND Together program has been running for five years. We bring boys together in a safe place and encourage them to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. We help them change the culture around them; they are the solution.”
AMEND Together is a primary prevention initiative dedicated to ending violence against women and girls by engaging men and boys to change the culture that supports violence. It seeks to challenge the culture that supports violence, cultivate healthy masculinity in men and boys and change the future for women and girls.
“We work with schools and other organizations, any boy in that school or that organization can join our club. We reach down to a young age, down to third grade,” Engram added.
The schools and organizations involved in the program include Gregory B. Jarvis Middle School, Holland Patent Middle School, Midtown Utica Community Center, Rome City School District and Utica University.
How are boys responding to this program?
“They respond great!” said Engram. “Our clubs allow them to talk about things they couldn’t’ talk about elsewhere. They’d be demeaned if they talked about these things elsewhere.
“We want to change what boys are being taught about male masculinity. We don’t focus on performance-based expectations. We don’t talk about anything having to do with performance. We talk about how do you feel. We talk about what it means to be a man. We’re building healthy manhood. We’re teaching the boys that ‘You don’t have be tough; you can be your true self.’ It’s OK to be who you are. Even when you don’t feel tough or strong or aggressive.”
“I’d like people know that there is hope for boys and men. We try to reach as many boys as we can,” he added. “We’re changing the culture for boys.”
Schools and organizations interested in learning more about hosting AMEND Together can see ywcamv.org/AMEND or contact info@ywcamv.org. This curriculum is provided free.