By Barbara Pierce
Neuroscience has demonstrated that chronic complaining changes your brain. (This is not the good news, keep reading: I’ll get to it.)
I recently saw this statement and it caught my attention because neuroscientists are the scientists who study our nerves and brains.
Is this true? Does complaining all the time actually change our brain?
I don’t think of myself as a complainer. I figured out that it doesn’t really help the situation to complain about it. But my sister, Pat, complains about every little thing.
When I looked into this, I learned that, yes, complaining does rewire our brain, for reasons I haven’t even tried to understand, not being a scientist. Something about complaining releases chemicals, which impair the prefrontal cortex and shrinks the hippocampus.
Chronic negativity makes your brain focus on finding problems instead of solutions. It turns chronic negativity into your default setting. It becomes habitual: The brain develops a preference for negative thought patterns, say the scientists.
Sad to say, that defines my sister Pat.
Everything is a huge problem for her. Simple problems become huge obstacles in her life. Nothing ever seems to go right for her. As I read her emails describing the huge obstacles she faces every day, I am baffled.
Getting medication from the pharmacy takes seven trips to get one medication. Why doesn’t she just call, I wonder? The medical procedure I had recently was slightly uncomfortable for a few hours. When she had the same procedure, it caused her “severe pain” for several days. She can’t sleep for several nights before a doctor’s appointment. And on and on. (I do try to help her get through her difficult days but complaining does seem to describe her default setting. And that does make me sad for her.)
But here’s the good news: Our brains can be rewired positively through gratitude, which helps build new, stronger neural pathways.
When we feel grateful, our brain changes. I don’t understand the science behind it, but it has to do with chemicals and neurotransmitters in our brain.
One study found that people who regularly experienced and expressed gratitude developed an increased volume of gray matter. The more grey matter, brain tissue, you have the better in so many ways.
I’ve always thought of gratitude as a stimulus-response phenomenon. The rain stopped and the sun came out, I’m so glad. A friend gave me a beautiful geranium; I felt gratitude. The infection on the bottom of my foot has finally healed; I feel gratitude.
But sometimes nothing comes along that’s powerful enough to make me feel gratitude. I have to wait for something that knocks my socks off, wakes me up and forces me to feel gratitude.
Hmm, guess I’m missing the opportunity to be grateful for all the little things in my life.
Because gratefulness doesn’t depend on something good happening. Instead, it can be a way of looking at everything, a way of framing life. By regularly experiencing and expressing gratitude, we change our perspective and think about things in new, more positive ways. This cognitive “rewiring” does have a biological foundation.
Years ago, I remember being so impressed when I learned that, if you stick a pencil between your lips, the tip at one side of your mouth, the eraser at the other, it forces your mouth into a smile. That smile, which is absolutely 100%, fools your brain. Your brain thinks you are smiling and sends endorphins that give you a feeling of well-being.
Likewise, if you say to yourself “I feel good right now. Today is a great day for me. Everything is going so well,” You brain believes your words and creates endorphins. Even if you’re totally lying.
You can fool your brain into producing endorphins that make you feel good. That has been proven scientifically.
I think it’s absolutely amazing!
That’s why, by experiencing and expressing gratitude regularly, our brains are rewired. In such a good way, with so many benefits — physical, mental, and emotional.
Experiencing and expressing gratitude means thinking positive thoughts, being thankful for small things, noticing small pleasures. It shifts your focus from what is missing in your life to the abundance that is already there.
I’ve been thinking of ways I might change my focus to practicing gratitude as a deliberate act.
Experts advise taking a few minutes every day to think about what you are thankful for.
Keep a journal. Every day write down a few things you’re grateful for, small pleasure. It doesn’t have to be every day, but consistency is important to rewire your brain.
Self-appreciation is another thing they suggest. Stand in front of a mirror each day and think of five good things you appreciate about yourself.
Write thank-you letters, emails or texts to others to express grateful feelings. When possible, going further and reading out your message in person can have a powerful and long-lasting effect on well-being.
Barbara Pierce is a retired licensed clinical social worker with many years of experience helping people. If you would like to purchase a copy of her book, “When You Come to the Edge: Aging” or if you have questions for her, contact her at barbarapierce06@yahoo.com.