By Barbara Pierce
Today, more and more, our lives are lived online. Technology absolutely brings many benefits to our everyday lives. However, it is often misused by abusers to harass, threaten, coerce, monitor, exploit and violate their victims.
The abuser is usually the person’s partner, ex-partner, a family member or someone the woman is sharing a home with or dating.
Devices, apps and platforms provide abusers with new tools for control. This includes cyberstalking, harassment and the invasion of privacy, often through the use of text messages, emails or social media. Abusers misuse technology to harass, intimidate, stalk or manipulate their partner. They can monitor their partner’s activities online and offline. When the abusive partner knows all the details of their partner’s life, they only gain more control. It becomes easier to harass, stalk, threaten and isolate.
“We have an epidemic of domestic violence here in Oneida County,” said Dianne Stancato, CEO, YWCA Mohawk Valley. “It’s just exploding since COVID!”
YWCA Mohawk Valley offers domestic and sexual violence crisis services in both residential and non residential settings. Services are always confidential, free and provided regardless of when the abuse occurred or if it was reported.
“We’re fighting against the clock to save lives,” she added. “We’re here 24/7; we have a 24-hour hotline; we’re here all the time. One in four women and one in seven men are a victim of domestic violence. The highest rate in the state is here in Oneida County.”
“Victims are beaten down; they lose their self-esteem. They get abused in social media,” she said. “I hate it! I hate it for kids! I hate it for everyone!”
Studies show that the majority of women who are victims of abuse experience part of the abuse online or through digital technology.
Technology-facilitated abuse is a significant, harmful phenomenon and emerging trend. It encompasses a range of behaviors and is enabled by social media and networking platforms and through everyday technology like cell phones, surveillance apps, spyware and surveillance via video cameras.
“We have a brochure on how technology is used by abusers,” Stancato said. “They can track their victim with location services, using something they put on your car, like AirTag; it can track the location of your car.” They can give children electronics that reveal their location after kids have fled with an abused parent.
Common warning signs that one might be a victim of tech-based abuse:
• Excessive contact: ’Blowing’ up your phone” with texts or calls, expecting immediate responses and getting angry if you don’t reply instantly.
• Location tracking: Demanding to know where you are at all times, requiring you to share your location or tracking you through apps without your consent.
• Insisting on knowing your passwords, demanding to see your messages and going through your phone or social media without permission.
• Isolation: Harassing your friends or family to control your social life or spreading rumors to alienate you.
• Using technology to humiliate or harass you, such as posting private information or pressure to respond immediately.
For victims, tech abuse often exists within a larger web of harm. Victims may also be undergoing other forms of abuse like physical violence or emotional abuse.
“Another concern, in addition to physical violence, is verbal or emotional violence.” Stancato said. “They isolate you, threaten your kids or your pets, threaten you financially, won’t give you money, track how many miles you drove the car.
“How do we stop it? We help them. We help victims. We help them all the way to be successful.”
Call or text the YWCA 24-hour hotline at 315-797-7740 anytime. As often it is not safe for a victim to talk on the phone, text and a chatline are in place so that a victim can text or talk with a trained advocate about a safety plan. About how to get out. The advocate will talk the victim through it, said Stancato. For an online chat, see ywcamv.org/Chat.
“Also, many victims need a safe place to stay if they are in danger of harm. We have a shelter program. Victims can stay there for up to 90 days,” she added.
If you know anyone who may be a victim of domestic abuse, Stancato urges you to call the hotline and talk about how you can get help.
“One thing you should not to do is to walk away. The abuser wants to isolate the person. And don’t give up if the victim keeps going back to the abuser. They go back because they don’t see a way out. We talk to you on tools you can use,” she said.
If you or anyone you know may be a victim, the 24-hour crisis hotline, which is always available, is 315-797-7740. Or see ywcamv.org/Chat to chat online.