By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant
Social media is only a tool. Used for good or ill, its reach and power is undeniable. News stories about teens ending their own lives after social media bullying bring to light an extreme example of its devastation.
Steve Demanchick, Ph.D., professor of art therapy, chairman of the Creative Arts Department and director of the Play Therapy Center at Nazareth, advises parents to listen to your kids. “My son’s 14 and he’ll talk with me about things he sees on YouTube or some silly show. It’s really important for me to listen. It develops a pattern and awareness that mom or dad listens.”
When children or teenagers struggle with something seen or heard on social media, they may view their parents as helpful rather than critical if the existing pattern is openness and a desire to understand. For example, if your child brings up an uncomfortable post, ask how he feels about it rather than laying down a judgment. When asked about your opinion, try to maintain stable emotions.
Ideally, start this when your children are young.
“If you start that habit of listening nonjudgmentally, kids are more likely to talk with you when they become teens, that time we think stereotypically kids don’t want to talk with their parents,” Demanchick said.
He also believes that children should not have as much exposure to the news, much of which sounds negative. That can be hard to do, as news is available at all times and from so many devices.
Kristin D’Amico, licensed marriage and family therapist at Highland Family Medicine’s Behavioral Health, also said that social media makes children compare themselves and their lives with the airbrushed perfection on the screen.
In addition, “devices make it harder for kids to get enough sleep and physical activity,” D’Amico said. “It’s so important to have other things to do. Help them create more balance. It’s designed for them to be on there more.”
While it can be difficult to get children off their devices, get children and teens engaged with activities they enjoy by providing creative toys, craft and hobby supplies and athletic gear. Plan to spend time together as a family without screens doing things such as playing board games, exercising or exploring your community’s points of interest.
“It’s the parents’ job to set these boundaries,” D’Amico said. “Kids’ brains aren’t ready to set these limits and reinforce these boundaries. Parents need to set better boundaries for themselves as well.”
Parents should also consistently let their children know about the dangers of social media and use apps to restrict their time.
D’Amico said that social media may offer a few benefits.
“For shyer kids or those who may struggle socially, social media can be a way to make online friends,” she said. “These friends are real connections to these kids. But it can’t be the only thing they’re relying on.”
Social media can also help extended families to stay more connected.