By Barbara Pierce
Our hope for 2024? Perhaps it’s remembering that as much as the people around us can at times drive us up the wall, we need other people in our lives to be happy and healthy.
We’re an ultra-social species wired to need connections with others.
Loneliness is on the rise.
Lack of human connection can be more harmful to your health than obesity, smoking or being a couch potato.
In short, according to biology, neuroscience and psychology, our bodies actually work better when we’re around others.
In today’s age, we live busy lives, trying to strike a balance between work and our personal life. Often our social connections fall by the wayside. But connecting with others is more important than you might think.
A growing body of research supports that. Friendships protect against depression and anxiety, increase life satisfaction and improve health measures such as blood pressure. Those who don’t have strong social connections have an elevated risk of heart disease and stroke, diabetes, addiction and dementia.
“Having a support network is so important,” said licensed mental health counselor James Davis, CEO of Samaritan Counseling Center in Utica. “It’s especially important if you’re dealing with depression or anxiety. Who can you really trust?”
Not having a social support system is actually a source of chronic stress for our bodies. When people feel lonely, they have higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their bodies. Just having another person around, one who you trust and feel safe with, makes the world look like a less challenging place.
A recent study of 28,000 people found that the more people socialized, the longer they lived. How much socializing does it take to live longer? Even just a little adds to your life.
The reality is that we’re living in a time of true disconnect. While technology seems to connect us more than ever, the screens around us disconnect us from ourselves and from others. It alone isn’t enough to fulfill our social needs — we need face-to-face interaction to thrive. Technology should enhance our connections to others, not replace it.
For many it’s helpful to think about the friendships we already have in our lives. Reconnect with old friends. Even if they feel a little stale, there are ways to revive them. Make time for the people you care about. It takes time to move from a casual acquaintance to a friend and more time to solidify it to a trusted friend. When you have those friends, prioritize the time to spend with them. Don’t let it take a back seat to other priorities.
Another way to cultivate stronger friendships is to let yourself show your vulnerabilities. Let your friend know what you’re struggling with. This brings people closer together.
To meet new people who might become your friends, you have to make it happen. To get new friends, assume you’ll have to put in all the effort.
First, you have to find some possible candidates. Put yourself in situations where there are a lot of people who may be like you. Don’t limit yourself to one strategy for meeting people. The broader your efforts, the greater your likelihood of success.
If you have a job or a volunteer job, you have an advantage; there may be many potential friends among the people you encounter every day.
If you don’t have a job or volunteer, consider finding a volunteer job, try a church, synagogue or other spiritual group, or an adult learning center. Whatever your interests, there is probably a group of people with the same interests — at an art center, a political group, a historical society, people who dance, hike, bike ride, garden, dogs, book club etc.
Once you’re chatting with a person you like, when you click with that person, take it to the next level. Invite them to do something with you, nothing big, just a coffee date, a walk. This is the important step, according to the experts. Many of us hit a wall here. You can meet all the people you want, but if you don’t take any action to do something with them in the future, you won’t make any new friends.
Even interacting with strangers has benefits; multiple studies show that the amount of social interaction a person has in their daily life is one of the most consistent predictors of well-being.
“Make new friends, but keep the old,” goes an old song. “One is silver and the other gold.”
It’s never too late to develop new friendships or reconnect with old friends. Investing time in strengthening your friendships and in making new friends will pay off in better health and a well-being for years to come.