By Barbara Pierce
Yesterday I felt really irritable, out of sorts, got mad at my partner for little things I usually can ignore. Got mad at myself because I couldn’t seem to do anything right.
Not a good feeling at all. I wanted to jump out of my skin!
“Let’s get out of here!” I suggested. “I’ve got to get out of here! Now!”
We grabbed our keys and left.
Drawn by rock music, we headed over to a nearby concert in the park. “Pink Cadillac!” I heard: “I love you for your pink Cadillac…Cruising down the street…Spending all my money on a Saturday night.”
My mood switched. I felt great as we sat on the wall listening to the music. The last rays of sun flickered through the trees along with a gentle breeze. People milled around as they found a place to sit and set up their chairs. Some joined us on the wall; some danced on the grass.
Suddenly, I felt good; I felt happy.
That irritable feeling had been replaced by a feeling of goodwill. The endorphins were flowing through my brain.
What’s making me feel so good, I wondered? You might be saying it’s being outside, in nature. Or the music lifted your spirits. And you wouldn’t be wrong. But I think it’s being around people, even strangers.
I love people watching. I love being around people.
That’s why I was so irritable — I’d been cooped up in my apartment for three days or more, not talking to anyone but my partner. Not seeing anyone but him.
Yes, being outdoors, with the trees and the grass, and hearing music with a good beat helped. But I think it was being around people that helped the most.
I definitely have a need to be around people. Doesn’t have to be friends; strangers are just fine. Last night, being around a bunch of strangers filled my heart with joy!
I even talked to strangers. “What a beautiful color that shirt is on you!” I called out to a woman walking by. Her hot yellow shirt was stunning against her olive skin and long dark hair. “Thanks!” she said as she passed. Then I turned to the woman sitting next to me. “What a beautiful woman you are,” I said. Her head was shaved; she’s probably going through chemotherapy, I thought. And she was beautiful, in part because she dared go out in public with a naked head.
One of our basic human needs is for people. We’re wired to connect with others; pathways in our brains are stimulated when we’re around others. When we’re talking with another person, pathways in our brain light up, say scientists. We’re hardwired to interact and connect with others.
That includes strangers. Social connections that fight loneliness don’t have to mean spending time with your best friend. Being around strangers, making small talk, is important also. Talking with strangers is good for your health, say experts.
Isolation kills faster than cigarettes. Faster than Dunkin’ Donuts. Faster than being a couch potato. Even being around strangers is protection against isolation. Experts recommend we connect with others at least once a week.
Studies show that the amount of social interaction a person has in their daily life is one of the most consistent predictors of well-being. One study found that people who had a strong social network were 50% less likely to die during the study period than those with little social support.
I know that’s true of me. Before I lived in my current apartment, I lived in a house in the woods. It was truly isolated, out of sight of other humans. Bears wandered through every now and then, deer tentatively poked around, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits and birds were plentiful. I loved it there. But I found I got very squirrelly and weird after a few days without people. So I’d hop in my car and drive to the library, or the supermarket. Just hearing the voices of others helped, seeing their faces. Exchanging smiles and greetings with librarians or cashiers made me feel balanced again.
Little things like that can give us immediate relief from loneliness. The U.S. Surgeon General calls loneliness a top public health concern. Experts say it’s a problem more serious than we might realize. Many of us have become more isolated. We can do our banking and satisfy all our shopping needs — groceries, clothing, essentials, hobby supplies and more — online, without a single human interaction. If we need a cup of sugar or a tool, we don’t drop in our neighbor, we have it delivered to our door. Even the library and the supermarket have self-check-out. It’s interaction-free, with no greetings, no eye contact, no smiles, no comments about the weather and no common courtesies exchanged.
Try it! Get out there among people and light up those pathways in your brain!
Barbara Pierce is a retired licensed clinical social worker with many years of experience helping people. If you would like to purchase a copy of her book, “When You Come to the Edge: Aging” or if you have questions for her, contact her at barbarapierce06@yahoo.com.