By David L. Podos
Irene Kurtelawcz is a resident of Whitesboro. Her life changed irretrievably 20 years ago when her sister, Teresa, died by suicide.
Teresa was only 26 at the time she took her life.
Growing up with her sister and brother, she, as well as her mother and father, never saw any suicidal ideation coming from Teresa, Irene said.
“This was a total shock and surprise to all of us when she took her life. My sister had a real zest for living,” Irene said. “She was a beautiful woman, loved to travel and traveled to many places domestically as well as overseas. She was also a school teacher by profession.”
The last place where Teresa lived was in California.
There she met a man who was in the process of divorce. They dated and the relationship grew. However, Irene points out that they eventually had a terrible breakup, which was the motivation for Teresa to come back East. When she came home to live, Irene who is a nurse, immediately knew something was not right. Irene noticed that there were cut marks on her sister’s arms. When she asked her what happened, Teresa said she had hurt herself.
“I knew my sister was in denial and not telling the truth. I just left it at that and never questioned her about it again. She also never showed any signs of depression or a change in eating habits, hygiene and so forth. So I just left it alone.”
Teresa mentioned to her sister that she was planning on going to a concert and asked if she wanted to go with her.
“I told her I wish I could go. However, I couldn’t as I had plans for the weekend. I said I would see her on Monday when I returned,” she said. “That was the last time I saw my sister alive.”
Teresa wrote a note and addressed it to her whole family. She said she was going to Buffalo for a teaching position. What actually happened was, Teresa went into her bedroom, walked into her closet, shut the door, took a pistol and shot herself in the heart.
Irene said she didn’t think her sister had a gun permit and owned a firearm. She thought her sister somehow obtained the gun in California and brought with her back to New York.
Irene said her sister’s suicide affected each family member differently. Some were very stoic and not wanting to discuss anything.
For Irene, it was a different story. She went through a very difficult time feeling guilty for not following up and pressing her sister a bit more regarding the cut marks on her arms — blaming herself for Teresa’s suicide.
“I couldn’t even talk about it outside the family until the last several years when I was able to open up. But even then, just a little,” she said.
Irene hopes that she can now help others who have lost loved ones through suicide.
“Talking about it is so important. Family members, friends, associates all play a part toward healing — don’t ever feel ashamed,” she said. “I am also a woman of strong faith. So for me, prayer is essential.”
Anyone who is thinking of suicide can call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or, texting 988. They will be connected to trained crisis counselors. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention also offers support to those who lost a loved one through suicide. Their web site is: afsp.org
On the rise
Suicide rates in the U.S. are on the rise. According to an April 2024 article by author Leah Kuntz (“A Year of Record High Suicide Rates”) in Psychiatric Times, suicide rates in the United States recently reached its highest peak since 1941.
This data was compiled from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Her article also states that more than 50% of suicides in the United States are completed via firearms.
Another study from University of Colorado, led by Lisa Marshall, shows that “after a long steady decline in national suicide rates, those numbers began steadily ticking up in the late 1990s and have generally risen ever since, with nearly 50,000 people in the U.S. taking their own lives in 2022.”
She said scholars seeking explanations for this troubling trend have pointed to everything from generally declining mental health to increased social media exposure, as well as heightened access to firearms.
There are still many factors to consider why someone would take their own life, as well as the methods used. While firearms seem the most prevalent method according to the above articles, there are many other ways that people commit suicide. However, what is painfully clear is the devastation suicide causes for surviving family members, friends and associates.