By Barbara Pierce
“If you sit in the question, the answer finds you,” said a character in a movie I watched a few days ago.
Makes sense to me. In fact, I’m right now sitting in a question.
I have a decision to make. For two years, I’ve lived in this apartment; I like it a lot. I’ve got good friends nearby and a community of caring people. However, the reasons to move to a town near my daughter are equally compelling. The pros and cons are pretty much equal.
Then there’s the man I’m living with. He has dementia.
Should he move with me or should we find an assisted living community for him?
I’ve asked him what he would like to do, but he’s past the point of being able to think things through and make a decision. So he will be another part of this decision I must make.
I’m considering all the aspects of this decision. I believe that the right answer will eventually come. I do trust my instinct.
Instinct, intuition or gut level feelings are simply knowing something, without knowing how you know it. It’s the ability to sense or know something without reasoning, without being able to justify or explain how we know we’re right.
Our intuition sends us messages in a number of ways — often in symbolic ways. The message isn’t always clear. The message may come in the form of a hunch, a strong feeling about something. It may come in a dream. It may be a symbol or vision, an inner voice.
In the long range, we make the decision that are best for us when we listen to our instinct. The solution becomes apparent as we think the question through. Sometimes we must be patient in our search for the answer.
Our intuition is also a survival instinct. “When it comes to danger, intuition is always right,” states Gavin De Becker in his book, “The Gift of Fear — Survival Signals that Protect Us.”
“Intuition is the cornerstone of safety,” said De Becker. How to listen to your instincts to keep yourself safe, avoid becoming a victim and avoid unwarranted fear are spelled out in his book, which I recommend for everyone.
Learn to trust your instincts; learn to listen to your inner voice. There’s a reason behind every thought and fear, behind every hunch and every gut-level feeling.
An intuitive thought is fleeting and easily forgotten, like a stray bird flying into a room, circling swiftly around and flying out. When those fleeting thoughts come in your mind, write them down, so you can remember and so that you can put all the clues together as they unfold.
I’m trusting that the answer to my question will come to me at the right time. I like to be in control of things, to make things happen. But sometimes I have to be patient and wait for the answer, trusting that it will come at the right time.
Many people have difficulty trusting their instincts due to traumatic or difficult experiences that made them lose trust in themselves. Self-trust is an essential life skill.
If you have low self-trust, you might second-guess yourself constantly. You may worry so much about making the wrong decision that you can’t make decisions at all. You might rely on others’ opinions instead of your own.
To start building trust with yourself. Strengthen your connection with yourself. Start by listening to your own needs, making time for self-care and practicing being kind to yourself. The more you practice trusting yourself, the more naturally it’ll come to you.
It helps to start small. Raise your comfort levels with following your intuition by making speedy, low-stakes decisions. This avoids overwhelm and lays the groundwork for making bigger, more consequential decisions later on and trusting yourself as you do so. By starting small, you’ll strengthen your abilities to tolerate distress and to self-regulate your emotions even when you’re uncomfortable.
When you’re in a situation where you feel indecisive, consider asking yourself, “is this what I really want?” If you repeat this question often, you may find your inner voice or inner knowing becoming clearer as you learn to attune yourself to your wants, needs and desires.
Pay attention to your gut feelings, while also reflecting on past experiences where your intuition was accurate; actively make small decisions based on your intuition and learn from the results and be consistent with this practice to strengthen your connection with your inner knowing.
It’s summed up well by actor Alan Alda: “You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover will be yourself.”
Barbara Pierce is a retired licensed clinical social worker with many years of experience helping people. If you would like to purchase a copy of her book, “When You Come to the Edge: Aging” or if you have questions for her, contact her at barbarapierce06@yahoo.com.