By Barbara Pierce
Now that the fireworks have ended; the hangovers have faded and 2024 is in the rear-view mirror, you might be thinking of where you are in life and where you want to go.
January is the start of something new. It implies a fresh start.
Wondering if you’re ready for a fresh start, a change in your life?
Experts say these are the sure-fire signs that you may be ready for a change:
You’re going through a painful challenge, a life transition: Whether it’s your career, relationship, family or finances, this is usually an indication you need to consider whether to change something in your life.
For some, it’s the big life milestones that trigger change: Marriage or divorce, moving to a new city, committing to a new partner, buying a home, starting a family or becoming empty-nesters.
For others, change comes from the significant changes that we all experience, like ending a relationship, getting laid off or fired, loss of someone close. It could be aging, retirement, a new career, moving across the country or another life-changing event.
Another sign that you may be ready for change is if you feel stuck in a rut: Doing the same things day in and day out, you feel generally blah, with nothing to get excited about. Life is boring; there’s no stimulation.
Or if you’re feeling significant stress much of the time. Stress is one of the most common signs that you’re in need of a change. Can you figure out what is stressing you the most? Which areas of your life are stressful?
If you’ve said “Yes, I’m ready to change some things in my life,” then what?
The first step is making the decision that something needs to change. This may sound obvious, but it’s tough to change your life.
It’s tough because you have to step outside of your comfort zone. I’ve had to do this more than I wanted; each time it’s been a challenge, but worth it.
Some things that might help:
First, figure out what aspects of your life aren’t working right. What needs fixing? What needs to change? Make sure you carve out the time. Sit down and examine yourself and your life. What do you notice?
Pin it down the change that sounds the most reasonable to accomplish. Define the thing you want to change.
Focus on one significant change you could make, like moving to a new city, changing jobs, a new relationship, better eating habits. If you try to change too much in one go, you’ll likely become overwhelmed, burn out and then go back to your usual way of operating.
Narrowing down your choices can be quite simple if you understand the psychology of decision making. After following your gut, you need to let go of all the other options and move on.
Trust your gut on this. There is a “crucial role of feelings in navigating the endless stream of life’s decisions,” says Daniel Goldman in his book “Emotional Intelligence.” “The key to sound personal decision-making in short: being attuned to our feelings.”
Brainstorm; get creative. Think of as many ways to solve this as you can. Ignore that voice in your head that tells you all the reasons why your ideas are ‘stupid,’ ‘unrealistic’ or ‘will never work.’
Set goals for yourself based on that one significant change you want to make. A good goal should be specific, measurable, reasonable and time specific. The article on New Year’s resolutions, elsewhere in this issue, describes the process of making goals.
Resolutions fail because they’re too challenging, too complicated and they aren’t time limited, Wade Halverson of Cornerstone Mobile Counseling, Herkimer, explains in that article. Same thing for any goals you set for yourself.
Get your friends and family on board with your goal, provided they’re supportive. You’ll need their support. When you tell others about your goals, you’re more likely to stick to them because you know they are aware of your intentions and might ask about your progress; this can motivate you to keep going.
Prepare for the storms before they hit. Identify the things that may hold you back and prevent you from reaching your goal. Obstacles will come up; people you’re close to could hold you back from making life changes. You might sabotage yourself. Think about how what these obstacles might be and how you can get around them.
As it is difficult to change, you might consider consulting a life coach to help you through, to keep you motivated.
Finally, don’t wait to get started — start now. What changes in life do you want to make in this new year?
Barbara Pierce is a retired licensed clinical social worker with many years of experience helping people. If you would like to purchase a copy of her book, “When You Come to the Edge: Aging” or if you have questions for her, contact her at barbarapierce06@yahoo.com.