Want to be more likeable?

Here are some easy-to-do suggestions

By Barbara Pierce

We all want to be liked.

If people like us, we’ll have more friends, no problem getting lovers, we’ll have better success in our work, and we’ll get more of what we want. In general, life just seems to flow along more smoothly for people who are likeable.

It’s actually not that hard to become more likeable — there are simple things you can do, things that have been proven to work.

“The best way to get someone to like you is to like them first,” claims dating coach Bela Gandhi on line. “Yes, it’s really that simple.”

Act like you really like that person. When we think someone likes us, we tend to like him or her as well. One study found that participants in the study said the people they liked best were the ones who liked them.

Here’s how to do it, she recommends. First, shift your attitude. Look for what is good in someone and find what you like. It could be their warm smile, their easy demeanor, or their red lipstick — whatever it is. When you are looking for what is good in another person, you will find it.

“Look for what is good, and say it. We see amazing results in the dating world, professional world and even at home,” she said. “A good compliment will get you everywhere.”

Compliment something other than someone’s looks if you can. Instead, notice something that shows their personality, like their purse or a book.

Say what it is you like about them with a big smile and fierce eye contact. “It is viscerally impossible not to like someone who genuinely smiles at you,” states Wendy Patrick, behavioral expert and attorney, online. “This means smiling with your entire face, including your eyes. Try it — it will boost your likeability.”

Make people feel good around you. It’s that simple.

Life coach Rebeccah Silence of Whitesboro has other suggestions.

“Do you like yourself?” she asks. “To be liked, people need to be their own authentic self. Respect yourself. Be natural.”

Silence is a certified life coach with a master’s degree in counseling. Owner of Inspired Results in Whitesboro, she is known as the relationship guru, doling out expert coaching every Tuesday morning on KISS-FM in Utica.

Don’t be self-conscious

“The first thing is not to care about is whether others like you,” she stressed. “Get off worrying about what others think about you. If I care about what you think of me, it will change who I am. Instead, be natural.”

“Being honest is better than trying to find ways to compliment others,” she added.

Another way to make people like you is to make them feel important by asking questions and encouraging them to talk about themselves. Most people love talking about themselves.

— Know how to be a good listener. Ask questions about others; find interest in their life; show you care and that you want to know more about them.

Be an empathetic listener. Reflect back on what you hear the other person saying. Make eye contact and give the person your full attention. The other person will feel heard, validated, and accepted — and they’ll want to spend more time talking with you.

— Use their name often. People love to hear their own name — by using it you’re connecting with them.  Saying a person’s name in a conversation is an important tactic that most sales people know well. A person’s name is the greatest connection to his or her own identity and individuality. Use their name when you want them to feel good about themselves.

Remembering their name after meeting them makes them feel respected and important. It makes a positive and lasting impression on them.

— And, be pleasant. People like you if you’re pleasant and positive. People are strongly influenced to feel in a good mood if you’re in a good mood.

Casually, subtly touching someone makes him or her feel more warmly toward you.