Coping With Empty Nest Syndrome

If you’re a parent, you may face this situation sooner or later

By Barbara Pierce

Jenny Garufi of Oneonta is an author, speaker and mentor.

“Nobody told me how incredibly painful it would be. The commercials where the parents dance around and turn their kids’ rooms into something else was the complete opposite for me. I found myself practically in a fetal position for days,” said one woman on the internet.

Said another: “I always thought I’d be aggrieved when the kids inevitably moved away and into adult life. So, I was rather surprised when all I felt was a sense of relief, like I had been given a little bit less to worry over.”

An a third: “I missed them when they went off to college. But at the same time I liked the peace and quiet. Also, they weren’t really ‘gone’, they came home on breaks and that was a lot of fun.”

If you’re a parent, you may face this situation sooner or later.

Whether they’ve gone off to college, they’re traveling the world or they’ve joined the military or started a new job, the result is the same for you: an empty nest.

It doesn’t matter if you had one child or several: the house definitely feels quieter.

After years of raising a family and perhaps putting your marriage on the back burner while you tended to your kids, you and your spouse might feel strange in a suddenly quiet house. Some couples find it exhilarating to be just the two of them again, while others are overcome with a feeling of loss. It’s common to have both feelings, as well as everything in between.

Reactions to the time when your kids move on can have a wide range of feelings — from elation to depression and a mix of both ends of the spectrum.

While everyone reacts differently to coping with an empty nest, it’s important to recognize those feelings of loss and take steps to cope. The parenting road you’ve traveled for 18 years is turning a corner, headed for a bridge. What’s on the other side of the bridge? How can you get through this time of transition?

We asked author, speaker and mentor Jenny Garufi of Oneonta for her suggestions.

Q: Is dealing with an empty nest a common problem for women?

A: I’ve seen this as an issue with about half the women I work with when their kids leave home. They feel an emptiness and aren’t sure what to do without that role of “mom” being an everyday job.

Q: How do you help them get through this difficult transition?

A: I help them by having them remember they are soooo much more than mom. It’s important to remember who they are and who they were before and who they want to be right now. I get them back in touch with hobbies they loved and things they might have always wanted to try but never had the time.

Q: What can a woman do to ease her way through this transition?

A: Connect with yourself to find what brings you joy other than your kids. Nature? Music? Dance? Other hobbies?

Now is definitely the time to finally write the book you have been talking about for years, start the business, study a new language, painting or pottery, learn to sew, take a garden design course or fulfill another long held dream.

Or join gym, redecorate, adopt a pet. Try volunteering, plan a vacation. Try to revive romance in your life.

This isn’t the end of your life. This is a new beginning for your life to open up.

Connect with other women or at least one other, advised Garufi. Maybe women who are also empty nesters. Or other people with similar interests to yours. Meetup.com is always an awesome place to find people in your area interested in the same things you are. If not, try online communities.

Being an empty nester means you have more ownership of your life. That can be both exciting and frightening. Taking care of the kids is no longer your primary responsibility. They’re no longer a reason or a convenient excuse. Now you have the time to do the things you’ve been putting off, maybe you’ve put them off for years and even forgotten about them. It’s time to pull them from out of the back of your mind and start putting them into action.

Q: Have you gone through this yourself?

A: I had my sad moments when my kids left. But I mostly felt joy. Joy for them and their next steps and for me for my freedom of time. As long as your kids know you are still there for them and you’re in touch with yourself, this can be a very beautiful time — the next stage in life.